Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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