why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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