Just fell off a train. Bad.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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