is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize