just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
