Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
