last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
