he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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