i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
