you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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