seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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