Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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