Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Success! We fucked roommates!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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