who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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