is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
