I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
