he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
