I'm going to jail i love you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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