Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
