he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
