I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
