Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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