if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize