There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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