Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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