Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize