You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
