I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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