She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's blow job season.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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