I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
