She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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