Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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