Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
