Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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