Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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