When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
