I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
