he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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