yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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