I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
