One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The adults are the big ones right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
