We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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