Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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