just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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