; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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