Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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