don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
