Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
