My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
