You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
