I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
