operation have a gay friend backfired
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
