Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
