Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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