Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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