If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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