I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
