I puked a lego.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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