R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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