Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The power of my boobs compel you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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