so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sober January is a disaster.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I party with great urgency now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
