if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
