i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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