please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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