So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
