Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
